Death

Death was the most frightening thing in the world. There were times in my life when the thought of death petrified me. It petrified most of us. Then I surrounded my world with Jesus and death seemed peaceful and a place of joy. Now death just means the end of pain or does it?

I have been in a place of constant pain emotional pain and physical pain. I don't know how to let things go or to forgive therefore I am hurting myself. People ask me why do you want to live that way? I don't want to live in pain, who does? I don't remember a day in life where I felt pure happiness not even as a child. My mind has always felt foggy and dark.I look at childhood pictures and there is never a smile on my face. Was I meant to carry pain?

A few weeks ago I said to my husband, if death comes to me soon I'm ready. He didn't want to hear it, why because it frightened him? Does he not to be without me? Or is he afraid of what's on the other side? I am not afraid of death and I welcome it as it comes knocking on my door.